Jesus, My Strength

Yesterday morning I had my wisdom teeth out. I'm pretty drugged right now but I have been dying to tell this story, excuse my writing today.

First, a little background on my story. I have always been terrified of singing. It is honestly one of my biggest fears. I know that I'm a terrible singer, there's no denying it. I have struggled since attending church with letting go of my inhibitions. In the last month or so I have really been trusting God in corporate worship. I've been learning to let go of my fears, to trust God with my heart and to give him all I have, even my voice.

Now, on the day of my surgery I was extremely nervous. I hate the dentist, I hate any kind of uncomfortable feeling in my mouth. I read my Bible in the morning, I got into the car with my mom, and we drove to the surgeons office. I was so nervous, I prayed to my Lord, I asked for courage. When they stuck the needle into my hand I continued to pray. Slowly I began to fade...but Jesus was still...

I woke up. I felt like no time had passed. In my mind everything was clear. But, I couldn't speak. So, I began to hum.
"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is, and is to come."
I looked around me and saw two nurses. They were smiling and whispering to each other, "she's humming, she's just starting to wake up." I wanted to shout to them, I'm praising Jesus! But, I couldn't.
I continued to hum..
"I'm trading my sorrow, I'm trading my pain, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord."
Eventually, I was moved to a bed and was laying on my side. I realized that nurses didn't know who I was humming to, or why. So I began thinking, what song will they recognize? And then I began to hum..
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see."
At this point my mom came into the room. She tried to get me to calm down. The nurse told me that if I kept humming I would really hurt my jaw. I listened to them and closed my eyes. I'm pretty sure I hadn't spoken yet. Just hummed. But, as my mom was rubbing my back she said to me, "Who are you humming Amazing Grace to?"

And I replied.

Jesus.