My Dilemma: When did I become a Christian?

July 2001: I was an excited 11-year-old. I was attending a new summer camp this year, it was at Bramalea Baptist Church, and I didn't know a single person. I was sitting in a church pew learning about Jesus Christ. The Children's Pastor, Barb, told us that if we would like to accept Jesus into our life that we could wait until after the session and pray with her. There was a group of about four or five students, if I remember correctly, and we each prayed with Barb. It is at this moment that I accepted Jesus Christ into my life.

But, I was deceived.

September 2007: Over six years later, I was at a Campus for Christ meeting. I had been convinced by my roommate to attend this meeting where we would be placed in small groups and learn about Jesus. I was nervous, I didn't know anybody, and I wasn't even sure if I knew Jesus. My roommate and I were split up into different groups, and I sat nervously, wishing I could disappear. My mind was racing..If only they knew who I really am! I'm such a hypocrite sitting here and praying after everything I've done these past few years. My small group began introducing themselves, suddenly it was my turn. I frantically searched for something to say, and stammered, "I don't really think I'm a Christian." I heart was pounding, how could I say such a thing? I had never admitted that to anyone, I could not believe what was happening...

A Few Weeks Later: I was on a bus to Haliburton with my new Christian friends. We were going to Summit, a Christian retreat for University students that is run by Campus for Christ. I felt oddly at home with my new friends, despite my boyfriend's ridicule, I found joy in the presence of these Christian women. The first night of the retreat there was a powerful sermon and I was overwhelmed by the corporate worship. I broke down. I accepted Jesus into my life, again.

December 2008: It was the end of my second year of university. I was 19-years-old, I was broken and depressed. I was disconnected from my Campus for Christ friends, I had fallen in and out of "love" three more times. I didn't accept Jesus into my heart. I didn't know who I was, what I was, or even if I wanted to be. I started to pray. I was hungry for God's Word. I devoured my Bible, falling more in love with God at each verse. I was desperate to know God, but I didn't know how to. I was afraid. How many times had I done this? I was just a joke, I couldn't commit to a single thing, never mind endure the hardships and persecution as a Christian.

Where am I going with this story?

I have been confused. When did I become a Christian? I really didn't know. Until I read this verse, "And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. " John 6: 39-40

This verse brings me so much joy, because it's nothing that I did to receive this beautiful and undeserved gift of salvation. This July I will celebrate my 9th year as a Christian, and although the Bible tells me I had died to my sins, it's been a long journey to realize that. I continued to live like a person enslaved to sin, I listened to the smooth words of men instead of hearing the truth of Jesus. I know that I will never be a perfect person, but the more I acknowledge that Jesus died for my sin, and that my sin has no power over me, the more I can trust in Jesus. Because really, when i am raised up in glory on the last day, it has nothing to do with me.

"I became a Christian when I was 11-years-old, that summer I made a lot of mistakes after I let Jesus into my heart. But I learned from them. I also learned a lot about Jesus. When I let Jesus into my heart I don't think I knew exactly what I was doing. But, now I do know and I'm very happy I made that choice." -May 11, 2002 (My Journal from when I was 12)