Jesus, My Strength

Yesterday morning I had my wisdom teeth out. I'm pretty drugged right now but I have been dying to tell this story, excuse my writing today.

First, a little background on my story. I have always been terrified of singing. It is honestly one of my biggest fears. I know that I'm a terrible singer, there's no denying it. I have struggled since attending church with letting go of my inhibitions. In the last month or so I have really been trusting God in corporate worship. I've been learning to let go of my fears, to trust God with my heart and to give him all I have, even my voice.

Now, on the day of my surgery I was extremely nervous. I hate the dentist, I hate any kind of uncomfortable feeling in my mouth. I read my Bible in the morning, I got into the car with my mom, and we drove to the surgeons office. I was so nervous, I prayed to my Lord, I asked for courage. When they stuck the needle into my hand I continued to pray. Slowly I began to fade...but Jesus was still...

I woke up. I felt like no time had passed. In my mind everything was clear. But, I couldn't speak. So, I began to hum.
"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is, and is to come."
I looked around me and saw two nurses. They were smiling and whispering to each other, "she's humming, she's just starting to wake up." I wanted to shout to them, I'm praising Jesus! But, I couldn't.
I continued to hum..
"I'm trading my sorrow, I'm trading my pain, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord."
Eventually, I was moved to a bed and was laying on my side. I realized that nurses didn't know who I was humming to, or why. So I began thinking, what song will they recognize? And then I began to hum..
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see."
At this point my mom came into the room. She tried to get me to calm down. The nurse told me that if I kept humming I would really hurt my jaw. I listened to them and closed my eyes. I'm pretty sure I hadn't spoken yet. Just hummed. But, as my mom was rubbing my back she said to me, "Who are you humming Amazing Grace to?"

And I replied.

Jesus.

Is He Husband Material?

Update: My beloved proposed to me on June 25, 2010. We are getting married May 7, 2011, and I cannot wait for that day to arrive so that I can begin my life with Daniel. In this blog I state that I do not pretend to be an authority on marriage. I would like to say that one more time! However, if there is one thing I can claim, that would be "dating". I have dated way too much for my good, and it lead me to so much unneccessary pain and suffering. Each time I endured another break-up my heart was shattered and my trust was broken. When I met Daniel I had to completely revoluntize my views on dating and relationships because of the countless ungodly relationships that I had been in.

I encourage you, if you are dating or even engaged, to read this blog post and consider these questions (for the record, most of these questions don't even come from me, so I don't take the credit at all!) I considered these questions while Daniel and I were dating, and I truly believe that he is going to be a wonderful spiritual leader, father, and husband in our family. I don't say this to boast, but to encourage you to have high expectations of the man that you marry. I believe that a marriage is difficult no matter who you marry, but why make it more difficult by marrying a man that doesn't love God and His Word?

(Charles & Susannah Spurgeon)

I am in love with Charles Haddon Spurgeon. But, lately I have been thinking about his wife. She was a huge influence on his life and his ministry, because with a great ministry there is often a great wife in the shadows. This is what Susannah Spurgeon had to say shortly after her beloved Charles confessed his love to her.

"I left my beloved, and hastening to the house and to an upper room, I knelt before God, and praised and thanked him, with happy tears, for His great mercy in giving me the love of so good a man. If I had known, then, how good he was, and how great he would become, I would have been overwhelmed, not so much with the happiness of being his, as with responsibility which such a position would entail.”

Choosing a husband is a big deal. Especially for the Christian woman, who must learn to submit to her husband, and put a lifetime of hopes and dreams into one man. Who is worthy enough for such a task? This is a question I have spent a lot of time on for the past 14 months. It's been nearly a year since I entered into a courtship with my own beloved, Daniel. I would like to share a few questions that I have asked myself over the course of our courtship.

(Mark & Grace Driscoll)

Questions Dating Women Should Ask (Adapted from Mark Driscoll's Sermon on Dating)

1. Since Eve was created, God has designed us to be the helper. Do you want to help this man? Do you know his life goals, dreams, and desires, and will you be willing to be his helper as he pursues them?
2. Is he tough enough to remain tough in tough times? How will he be around sickness, death, financial insecurity, ect.
3. Is he considerate and gentle towards me? Violence is inexcusable.
4. Do you feel safe around him? Do you trust him to protect you?
5. Will he be a good father to your children?
6. Is he a one woman man (Job 31:1)? If your man is afraid to committ because he wants to keep his options open, it's time to move on.
7. How valuable are you to him? Are you a priority in his life? Are you too much of a priority in his life (do you come before God)? This is idolatry and evil.
8. Is he willing to change his life or plans for you? (Is he set on going to Australia for 2 years for his Masters? This could be a problem).
9. Do you want your sons to be like him. Because they will.
10. Do you want your daughters to marry someone like him. Because they will.
11. Is he concerned about having a great time, or creating a great legacy?
*If you answered No to any of these questions, you have a lot of praying to do. I would say that no man is worth your time unless you answer is YES! to every question.

How to Honour a Woman (adapted from Mark Driscoll's sermon called Marriage & Men)
After you have considered these questions I would consider asking yourself how does this man honour you? You may even look at these topics together and discuss them.

1. Honour her maritally: Your boyfriend should not be looking for a roommate, or a girlfriend, he should be looking for a wife. If he is not ready to consider marriage, he is not ready to consider you.
2. Honour her physically: Men are stronger than women. They need to protect them, and care for them. It is not the time for you to be getting to know each other physically, this is not a test-drive. You both need to be careful in protecting yourselves from physical intimacy. Men also need to honour women by never raising a hand, or use their physical stature to be aggressive or intimadating. If you're in an abusive relationship, I weep for you, and I beg you to remove yourself from the situation and find biblical counsel that you trust.
3. Honour her emotionally: Be careful to guard your heart until you know what this man's intentions are. Is he pursuing you? Is he working hard to show that you are loved? This is not a game, but if a man doesn't think you're worth the time for a proper courtship he won't be an adoring and loving husband.
4. Honour her verbally: Does he intimidate you with his words? Does he hurt you when he speaks? Does he know just want to say to make you cry? This man is a coward, and he does not fear God if he's abusing God's daughter.
5. Honour her financially: Men have to work hard to provide for their wife and children. Is he a hard-worker now? Is he good with his money? Does he waste his money on toys and unneccessary items? Is he generous and a frequent tither?
6. Honour her practically: Is he an organized and planned man? Does he have a budget and a schedule? If things are leading towards marriage, is he preparing for that? Does he have a savings account for your future? Is he seeking wise counsel from older married men?
7. Honour her parentally: It is so important that you consider the fact that you are choosing a husband for your future, but you also are choosing a father for your children. Your decision will greatly impact innocent lives. Is this man going to spend time with his children, is he loving towards children? Will he read the Bible with them, love them, pastor them, and discipline them? We have enough fatherless children in this world, we need to be careful that we are choosing a man who wants a desires to be a daddy.
8. Honour her spiritually: When you get married you will become one with this man. This means that you spiritual states will greatly impact each other. Is he taking extra care now to pray with you, study the bible, and engage in discussion about theological topics? Does he regularly attend church, does he take you with him? Is studying the Bible a chore to him, or is it something that brings him great joy. If he ignores you everytime you mention scripture he is not spiritually mature and ready to be a spiritual leader.

I hope you consider all of these things. I don't pretend to be an authority on marriage, not being married myself. However, I have made the mistake of being with verbally abusive, unloving, selfish, and disgraceful men. They do not deserve to be with loving women, do not try to be the saviour and change these men! During your courtship you should be considering every aspect of your suitors lives. The way he speaks, the things he chooses to talk about, where he spends his time, and with whom. Most importantly, is this man in love with God more then anything in the world? The way he speaks about his Father in heaven, the way his mood changes when he considers the Gospel, this will be a great indication of the type of man you're considering.

(My Beloved, Daniel's parents, Kevin & Sue)

My Journal 1 Year Ago..

(Fall 2008)

I've been looking through my journal from when I first became a Christian in December 2008, and it's really showed me how much I have learned. I thought I'd share a few of the posts with you.

Here's a poem I wrote in January 2009, about 3 weeks after I became a Christian. WARNING: I'm not a poet, and I know it. haha.

When I was a little girl I longed for so many things.
To watch my parents embrace; love and adoration in my Dad's eyes.
To see gentleness and softness in my mother; to replace her tears with joy.
To feel my father's stubble against my cheek; to laugh as he tickled me.
To know my brothers hearts, to put my hand on their wounds and erase them completely.
I longed for deep and perfect love.
But, we are only human beings, wounded and imperfect.

I am a woman now.
Now, I am filled with perfect Love, God's Love.
I have felt gentleness, kindness, and sincerity in my father.
Father, when the time is right, I ask you for one thing.
That I can be gentle and kind when I love.
That through me, you can pour out your mercy and grace.
That you can give me a gift, a child so sweet.
That she can see her parents embrace.
That she can press her cheek to her fathers face.
That she can put her hand on her brothers heart, and heal his wounds.
and finally Lord, that her mother can love her, with a sweetness and a gentleness only you can provide.
For this I ask you Lord, that when the time is right, this little girl of ours will know the Love of her earthly and Heavenly Father.

That she can too, have all of my desires.

This I pray in your Holy Name. Amen.

Looking back on the things I wrote, there are things I would change. I don't have to wait until I have my own child to love, and to feel loved. I see gentleness, and sweetness in my own Mother's eyes. I love her and embrace her every chance I get for the things she has done for me. For the first time in my life my Father comforted me at my Grandfather's funeral, about a month ago. I still get teary when I think about it. How wonderful it will be when my own children do not have to cherish memories like that with their Dad, because the memories will be so abundant. Finally, like many brothers and sisters, I'm learning the power of loving words and a gentle soul. I love both my brothers individually and together, they are the vision of strength and endurance. Besides, it's never to late to put your hand on your brothers heart, just to let him know, I understand too.

"I do not permit women to teach"

This Sunday at Harvest Oakville our pastor taught on 1 Timothy 2:8-15. At Harvest we are currently going through 1 Timothy in its entirety. The material presented in these verses are heavy, and unpopular. Most pastors would never choose to teach on such a passage, however, going through 1 Timothy verse by verse has forced Pastor Robbie and our entire church family to confront issues we normally wouldn't.

In my post I'd like to focus on the verses concerning women.
1 Timothy 2:9-14
Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 


Modesty (V.9-10): As women representing Christ we should be cautious of our dress and our behaviour. This doesn't mean not taking care of ourselves, especially if we're married, for our husbands. However, being discerning about what is appropriate to wear is really important for Christian women. 
Self-Control: This is especially referring to self-controlled sexual passions. When we choose to sin, we are choosing suffering, death, and separation from God. This subject is so important, but it also requires a certain amount of graciousness and love. If you are engaged in inappropriate sexual behaviour (and this isn't just limited to intercourse and oral sex) please find help. I've been in this situation, and getting out of it alone is nearly impossible. It's so important to find Christian WOMEN to pray for you, encourage you, and edify you. Not only is it possible for you to end the cycle of sexual sin, it's also the only way to be freed from the specific type of idolatry that you're engaged in.
Godliness: This is specifically referring to the fear of the Lord. If you don't have self-control and modesty than you aren't displaying the character and conduct of godliness. If your heart is concerned with the Kingdom of God, and if your actions display that, than you are a godly woman.


Now, here's for the really tough stuff. The different roles of men and women are discussed in these verses. 


Women are to: Be students of the Word of God, however, they are not permitted to teach or preach with authority in God's Word over men (this means pastors or elders).


Objections: It's highly likely that if you're reading this your flesh is going to be objecting. How can women be unable to teach the Gospel? We're just as competent! This is unfair and unjust! God doesn't approve of inequality!


Please listen to what I have to say. Please prayerfully consider my words, and take your worries to the Father. He loves you, and he doesn't approve of inequality. But, this isn't about inequality, it's about the divine design of manhood and womanhood.


A) Paul's writing don't count: This claim is pretty heretical for a Christian (sorry just being truthful). How can you dismiss part of Paul's teachings and approve others? If you're going to pick and choose then it takes all credibility away from the Gospel.
B) This passage is for one particular cultural situation (1st Cent not 21st Cent): This claim is false, because in 1 Timothy 2:13, Paul roots his demands in creation itself. He is appealing for the command of God for humanity. God's design, from the creation of Adam and Eve, was for men and women to have different but complementary roles. This does not change with culture, rather it transcends culture.
C) This is an unique text in scripture: The Bible itself is an example of overwhelming male leadership. Jesus himself chose 12 male disciples. There are also many different verses in the New Testament that reflect these same ideals.
D) Galatians 3:28 says, "there is neither male nor female.": If you interpret this text as saying there is no difference between men and women then you have misinterpreted the context. If you're unfamiliar with this verse you should read it on your own. The context of this verse is about the fact that salvation has no partiality. It doesn't matter if you're Jew or Gentile, Slave or Free, Male or Female, all have access to the Grace of God. This does not diminish the roles of men and women. This verse was written by Paul, so why would he completely contradict his own ideals from 1 Timothy?


This is a lot to consider. However, it's an important issue to think about. I can't convince you of the biblical roles of manhood and womanhood, only the Father can. Please go to him in humble submission and ask him to reveal his truth to you. I know he'd be more than happy to.

What's Your Favourite Blog?

There are some amazing blogs out there that can provide some excellent insight on any topic you can think of! Below, I'm sharing some of the blogs that I frequently visit. Please post a comment and let me know what your favourite blog is!

For Any Girl..
http://www.girltalkhome.com/
A blog from the Mahaney girls...Carolyn and her four daughters. This blog focuses on biblical womanhood, and covers fun topics such as: Relationships, Purity, Beauty, Modesty, Spiritual Growth, The Gospel, Marriage, and Motherhood.

For The Spiritual Leader/ Driscoll Fan..
http://www.theresurgence.com/blog
The majority of the readers of this blog are young men (according to a stat on one of the blogs). However, this blog is great for anyone! There tends to be a focus on leadership, and theology. The Resurgence was started by Mark Driscoll, so there are some great posts by him! Look for some of the interviews that they publish as well (R.C. Sproul, John Piper, Matt Chandler, ect).

For Anyone Seeking Gospel-centered Articles..
http://thegospelcoalition.org/
I would go as far as saying this is the greatest Christian resource on the internet. The blog is filled with amazing biblical pastors' thoughts (such as Tim Keller & John Piper). The website also includes amazing sermons that you can watch or listen to (Tim Keller, Mark Driscoll, Mark Dever). I always find something great when I visit this blog.

For Anyone Desiring God/John Piper Fans..
http://www.desiringgod.org/

I love this blog so much! It was founded by John Piper, but it includes many different pastors blogs, including John's son, Abraham. I would say this blog is also geared towards young pastors, but it's an invaluable resource for all.


For The Complementarian...
http://www.cbmw.org/
This website is used to discuss the complementary differences of men and women. There are articles by both men and women discussing the many different questions that arise when having a complementarian view.

For The Cook..
http://thepioneerwoman.com/
This isn't a Christian blog, but it's still one of my favs! There are some great recipes, and some good resources if you're a home-schooler.

Blizzard 2010 Update

Hey Everybody!

I'm home from Blizzard and I thought that I'd give you all an update!

First of all, I had no idea what to expect this weekend. I discovered Blizzard on the CBOQ (Canadian Baptists of Ontario & Quebec) website, and felt God was telling me to apply. I was so thankful that CBOQ actually accepted me as an Intern, since they had never even met me! They also accepted Daniel, which was great since I didn't have to go into this experience on my own.

This weekend was extremely trying. I was ill-prepared, lost, and overwhelmed. By the grace of God throughout the weekend I made great friends, met people who love God above all, had tons of fun, and got to eat some amazing food! At the same time my faith was constantly tested, and my heart was continually battling emotions.

The biggest part of this weekend was the many different spiritual attacks I faced. The first night I struggled with falling asleep and I was overcome with loneliness and fear. I didn't know anybody, I felt alone, I didn't know what I was doing there. I cried myself to sleep, worried about what the weekend would be like. When I woke up I was sick to my stomach, mostly from exhaustion and being so overwhelmed. I prayed, and talked to some of the girls about it, and by breakfast I was feeling so much better. Throughout the weekend I would face troubling thoughts. By lunch I would be exhausted, and I wondered how I would make it to the end of the night. At times I didn't know where to go, and I felt embarrassed to ask questions. At moments I would question if my heart was in the right place. Why am I even serving? Am I serving joyfully or selfishly? Some moments I overcame my spiritual battles, and some moments I did not.

My point in sharing this is to hopefully provide encouragement and perhaps some wisdom. This weekend I dealt with many attacks, but I also made some great friends who recognized my struggle and continually prayed over me. The moments when I received the most prayer where the moments when I had energy, joy in serving, and a will to endure. Below I'd like to share some practical things that I will do differently next year. Perhaps they will help you the next time you serve.

Before Blizzard:

• Start praying about 2 weeks in advance for protection against spiritual attacks and for strength for the weekend.
• Pray for other team members, as well as youth leaders and students that will be attending.
• Select a few scriptures to memorize and meditate on during the weekend. When the day becomes overwhelming these scriptures will provide comfort and act as a reminder that we are serving our Lord Jesus.

Practical Things To Pack:

• Ear plugs for sleeping, something I will never leave without from now on. Also, a Sleep Mask might help to block out light.
• Boots & Running Shoes. It's no fun wearing heavy boots all weekend. Trust me.
• Tea Bags. I really love having tea in the morning, and for some reason Tetley Orange Pekoe is the only way to go.

I hope everybody has a blessed week! Thanks for all of you who kept me in your prayers! I truly needed them this weekend.

Much Love,

Brianna

Blizzard 2010! Please Pray For Me!

Hey Friends,

I'm so sorry I haven't written in so long! I have so many ideas for things to write but I've just been really overwhelmed with midterms and essays this past week. Next week looks like it's going to be even worse.

But, here's the thing...I need prayer! In three hours I'm going to be driving to Muskoka Woods for a three day snow camp. There are 600+ students and leaders that are registered to attend, and every one of them needs prayer! Daniel will also be coming, so it will be a great opportunity for us to grow together in our faith and to serve together. I am working as an Administrative & Guest Relations Intern, and Daniel is working as a Recreation Intern (and neither of us knows what that means!!?)

Some things you can pray for:

• For safe driving conditions to and from Muskoka Woods (for all the cars, and buses).
• That God would be working in the lives of every single student, leader, intern, and staff member.
• For strength for all the people working at Blizzard, amidst cold weather, fatigue, and possibly even sickness, that God would move through us so that great things can happen!
• That every single person would hear, and experience the Gospel this weekend. That there would always be a God-fearing individual there to support and talk with those that don't know you.
• That Daniel and I would grow in our relationship together. That we would not feel left out in this experience, we are going into this not knowing anyone, or anything about what we're supposed to be doing.
• For me, personally, that my testimony can be used to encourage students. These are high schoolers, and this time in their life is hard and stressful. I pray that they would be encouraged to make God their number 1 priority.

Thanks for your prayers! I'll be back on Sunday. I hope to give you an update and share some pictures as soon as I can!

Much Love,

Brianna & Daniel