What I'm going to say in this blog is going to be very controversial, even to the Christian community, but it has to be said.
My whole life I was raised in a single parent family, where my mother provided financially for our family, cooked every meal, cleaned every room in our home, and loved and disciplined me. I knew there was something wrong with this set-up, but I didn't know any other way. In the past year I have stumbled upon a part of scripture from 1 Timothy 2:8 that has clarified a lot for me, "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." These are strong words against a Father that doesn't provide for his wife and children, but it also provides comfort to the many single families in this world that are suffering such a massive injustice.
So this leads to my point. What is our role as women in this world? Where do we fit in? We do have a mission, and it has not been laid out by our country, or our families, and especially not a on our own, but from our Everlasting and Loving God. The fact is that the majority of us will one day be married with children, and the command from God is that we serve our husbands, and with our husbands lead our children to fear God (Titus 2: 3-5).
This has led me to embark on a Homemaking Internship. I happened upon this term, and concept in an article written by Carolyn Mahaney. I urge daughters and mothers to read this article and embark on this journey with me: http://www.cbmw.org/Journal/Vol-11-No-2/Homemaking-Internship
Homemaking is so much more than cleaning a home and preparing meals. Just read Proverbs 31, and you will see that the woman in this passage plays a crucial part in her household.
I'll leave you with Titus 2:4-5, a command for older godly women "they are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, submissive to their husbands, that the Lord of God may be reviled."
What I love is that me and you are on such different pages, but feel so comfortable putting it out there. That said, this woman is stuck in 1922, and that wasn't a particularly good time for women.
ReplyDeleteI am married, and marriage preparation was crucial for my husband and I, but our skills and talents balance each other so perfectly and beautifully it's just clear God made us for each other. I can't cook. I've tried learning. I just can't do it. I make rice watery but crunchy, I forget that Mac and Cheese requires milk, and my pancakes have the same texture as a car tire. It's not good.
But, John's cooking skills are bar none. What that means in our home, is accepting and focusing on our strengths. So, John's love for cooking and skills at it, paired with my ability to prepare food (cutting it up, washing the dishes, all the messy boring stuff in between the actual cooking) is my job.
Same goes for interior decorating, which I actually can't believe she listed as a 'must' for women as they take their place in the home. John's a photographer and a designer. I'm a book nerd. Why, simply because I AM WOMAN, would I choose the colour of our walls if this is John's strong suit?
On the flip side, the men (according to this woman's likely views) of the home are to be breadwinners, providers, and this is something I agree with. It's biblical. (Even if it's not a financial breadwinner in every way, it's the time / effort put into the work that's important). But what often comes with this is actually logistically 'sorting out' finances. John & I share a bank account and he provides the money to pay the bills, but he never remembers to actually pay them and making a budget is beyond his interest. But that's where I come in. Sure, it's traditionally "man's work" but we find the balance and it suits us well.
I think this woman has a point to be considered but the audience to be considering it is increasingly small. Unless you're a stay at home mom (commendable) or a pastor's wife (commendable), you don't have time to become an encyclopedia and meet expectations your mother is supposed to teach you. She is writing to a perfect world (maybe I can't cook because my mom never taught me?), but we don't live in that kind of world and so her logic isn't going to work.
At least, that's what I think.
Women and mothers learn along the way and if they have been blessed with an amazing husband and access to the internet like I have, they won't need to go it alone. WebMD has everything we'll ever need to know about 'what that cough means' and we're provided with accessible information about how to eat and stay safe.
You're right, we've got to be in the home, that is our primary concern - I would never place out-of-home responsibilities before my husband or eventually my kids, but the dishes can wait until I get back from class (and if he does them first, bonus).
Hey Sam,
ReplyDeleteI like your comment, and you have some very valid points. I do have to defend Mrs. Mahaney though. This artcile is only a snippet of her amazing book called "The Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife & Mother." In her book she does address exceptions, and is not legalistic in her convictions.
I agree with most of what you said in your comment. I believe that the woman in Proverbs 31 is the ideal that we should all strive for as women. This woman puts God first, and serves Him in every aspect of her life. Second, she serves her husband, and third, she serves her children. However, the woman in Proverbs 31 makes investments, and contributes financially through buying land. So, when you say that you pay the bills in your household, I don't see anything wrong with that at all.
I also did not know how to cook until about a month ago. My mom has never allowed me to enter the kitchen because she likes to do things on her own. I've started learning on my own by buying simple cookbooks, and inviting my older female cousin over for cooking classes. I think that the ideal for a family is that a mother should stay at home with her husband and children, and doing the majority of the cooking comes with the territory. However, there are exceptions, such as completing your eduction, working while your husband is in school, or if you're husbands income is not enough to provide for the family.
Anyway, that's my take on things. I like that we can talk about these things as well.