If I could ask God for anything it would be...

You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled. --Charles Haddon Spurgeon


Recently I have heard a few people say if only God would give them _________ (insert material item) they would be happy. Each time I heard these words my heart grew heavy and I had to hold back from screaming, “He’s given you the gift of eternal life! Accept that gift and don’t look back!” Lately I’ve been thinking about my own heart and I realize that I’m not that different from these people.

Recently in my life I have had the opportunity to interview for an amazing job. I have been praying for many years for a job like this, and it just seems like the perfect answer to prayer. The perfect gift from God. I am now in the waiting period, all I can do is pray as I hold on to hope that this job will be mine. But, I’ve recognized a sinfulness in my own life. Do I deserve this job? No. Is this job crucial to my happiness? No. Does God owe me this job, because of all the pain and suffering I have been experiencing at my current job? A resounding NO! Truthfully, in my heart I have been feeling that I do deserve this job, and that God does owe me this. Please Jesus change my heart, because I do have faith that you can make the impossible happen, and I may actually be blessed by this opportunity. However, my heart and my happiness will not change if you Will is otherwise. Please give me joy in your Will, regardless of the outcome!

During this Christmas season I have noticed the materialism around me, and most significantly I have noticed the materialism within me. Is Christmas really about making a list..and checking it twice? Is Christmas really about counting the presents that are under our trees? I’m not saying that giving gifts and having a Christmas tree is wrong, but when did Christmas become about us? I’m speaking to myself here, but perhaps this message is also for someone reading this.

What are you truly thankful for today? I’m guessing it’s not your new car, or your new sweater, or even your perfectly decorated home. The things that we should be truly thankful for is our families, our friends, and most importantly, our salvation that is found in Jesus Christ. Then, why have we not made Christmas about these things? (Again..speaking to myself here!)

I woke up with a heavy heart as I reflected upon these things. Two thousand years ago a perfect baby was born. We may think that all babies are perfect, but this was truly a perfect baby. Thirty years later this perfect baby was just as perfect as a grown man. What did Jesus Christ deserve? Unlike us, he deserved Glory, Honour, and Praise. What did WE give this perfect baby? We gave him our sin, the wrath of God that we deserved, and death. What a sacrifice that our Lord made! To give us the gift of eternal life!

Now, isn’t that something worth celebrating?

Dear Daniel: 21 Ways I Hope to Love You

On Thursday I turned 21-years-old. This was a big birthday for me, because this year some big changes are going to happen in my life. As a 21-year-old I will graduate from university, move to a new city, and become a wife. I am the most excited about the third change! There are so many uncertainties for this year of my life, but it is so comforting to know that I will have my husband to walk through it with me. When Daniel turned 21, on June 25, 2010, he proposed to me. He gave me such an amazing gift on his birthday, so I thought I’d write a “birthday” post for him.


21 ways I hope to love, cherish, and help Daniel as his wife.

1. Honour our Lord: The only way that I can truly honour you is by honouring our Lord first. I am so excited that you will be with me on this journey through life. You make me desire a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, and because of this I love you more than I can ever express in words. I know that when I honour God it makes you happy, and that is a beautiful thing!

2: Enjoy you: I pray that every single day I will cherish you and delight in you. We have seen one another nearly every day since the day we began dating. I still find it difficult to say goodnight to you and watch you drive away, even if I know I’ll be seeing you again tomorrow! I pray that I’ll always long to be in your company, every day of my life.

3. Respect you: Ephesians 5:33 says, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.” You are so committed to loving me as you love yourself, and I am committed to respecting you. Only Christ can bring this to fruition in our marriage, and this is something that we will entrust to him daily.

4. Laugh with you: We have so much in common, but one thing is our humour. Only you know how to make me laugh no matter what the circumstance.

5. Serve you through making our meals: When I first met you I attempted to cook for you a few times and usually failed miserably. I have come a lonnngg way in the past year and a half. I have found a joy in cooking that I never would have imagined was possible, especially cooking for you. You are so appreciative whenever I make you a meal, and I truly delight in creating something that you will enjoy.

6. Fold your laundry: This is the point where a lot of people will wonder if I am a suppressed woman that is stuck in the 1950’s. But, this is an inside joke of ours. I do love doing your laundry, since I have been washing your clothes since we met (Daniel’s laundry machine at home was broken and his school’s cost money). You always bug me about my folding abilities, since you say I suck at folding. This is something that I’m still not very good at, but I love doing it for you and to God’s Glory!

7. Stay at home with our children: We both feel that there is no higher calling for a woman than to be a wife and a mother. I am especially excited to start our family and become a home-maker. Lord-willing, we will have many children and God will use us to shape our children into beautiful little people who love Jesus Christ.

8. Encourage you in your ministry: I know that ever since you have decided to become a Youth Pastor you have experienced more spiritual attack than before. I know that once you graduate and find a position in a church you will experience many hardships as a Christian, spiritual leader, and even husband and leader to our family. I pray that I would provide a support system that encourages you through this. I want to be your personal cheerleader, cheering you on through the battles and the triumphs!

9. Repent often: Our relationship with Jesus Christ began with repentance, but it doesn’t stop there. We need to continually repent before our Lord. Similarly, when I first met you I repented of who I was. Not all men are willing to love a woman who has done some of the things that I have, but you were quick to forgive and comfort me. We have continually repented of our sins against one another and our God. I pray that we will continue to do so.

10. Develop our Theology: Our interest in theology is something that we developed together. We both did not have a very deep understanding of theology, and what we believed. Together we developed our understanding and belief system in what we felt was a biblical theology. We even switched our majors, mine to Religious Studies at McMaster and yours to Religion & Theology at Redeemer University. This is something that we share together, and we will continue to grow and develop in.

11. Grow our Library: We basically love all of the same books, which is why we definitely do not have separate libraries. Even now, we have a book shelf in my closet that holds the majority of our doctrinal and Christian books.

12. Make Traditions: We both come from very different family backgrounds. I come from a single parent family, and had a European upbringing. You were raised by both parents, and have a younger brother and sister. You also are very proud to be PURE Canadian (something I NEVER thought I’d be married to..) But, I’m excited to make traditions of our own.

13. Pray Together: A couple that prays together stays together.

14. Read Scripture Together: When we first started dating we would read our Bibles together all the time. I remember doing Bible studies over MSN. We don’t do that so much anymore since we are set in our own routines. I like reading my Bible in the morning and you like to fit it into your day (and I’m not saying one is better than the other). But, I do pray that we commit to a specific time, even once a week, to read God’s Word together.

15. Dance together: You are the craziest and funniest dancer I know. I want to keep dancing with you until I can’t dance anymore!

16. Travel together: There are so many places that we would love to go! I want to take you to Malta to visit my relatives, and you want to go to Bora-Bora even though it would take forever to get there. Realistically we won’t be able to afford to travel much, but we can always go to the travel place in Wal-Mart and look through pictures in the travel books.

17. Visit Gabriel: If there was only one place we could go, I know that would be Honduras to visit Gabriel. We have grown to love Gabriel so much, and we always talk about the first time we get to see him. I pray that the Lord provides us the chance to meet our sponsor child and many other children like him.

18. Share the Good News of Jesus Christ: The reason we live is to bring Christ Glory. I pray that our life together would be to minister to others. We both have so much passion for evangelism and sharing Jesus Christ to those that do not know him. If this is God’s Will, this will be our life ministry as couple.

19. Sing: Thank you for giving me the confidence to sing. I used to hate singing at church, but you have helped me to have courage to sing to King Jesus. I am no Brooke Fraser, and you are no Phil Wickham, but to Jesus our voices rising in unison are precious to Him.

20. Create a loving family: On May 7, 2011 our family of two will begin. I have always been a family of two. It’s always been my Mom and I. Soon, I will be living with a man for the first time in my life! It will be just the two of us in the beginning, but when the Lord-wills it, our family will grow. Loving our family with a pure and humble heart is going to be a challenge, but something that I yearn for every day.

21. Use our relationship to minister to others: Most people think that we are crazy. This year is a big year for us: we are both 21-years-old, you are still in school, and my job does not pay very well, and let’s face it...we’re young! In the world’s eyes, the odds are stacked against us. But, we have Jesus Christ, and we are not going to make this marriage work, he is. You will love me and cherish me, because HE wills it. I will respect you and care for you, because he produces the respect within me, because he gives me the strength to persevere even when my flesh cannot. I pray that this marriage would be a testimony to all what Jesus Christ can accomplish. We are nothing but inexperienced 21-year-olds, and we have no idea what we are about to plunge into. But He does.

Are you broken?

My prayer for this blog is that Christ would speak through me. If these words are not honouring to God they are counted as meaningless and empty. But, if these words speak truth (because of Christ Jesus, and not me) than no matter who hates the words that are written, they will count for something, and they will be sweet to the ears of my Lord. To Him be all Glory and Power and Praise.


“a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51: 17

David wrote these words after he had committed adultery with Bathsheba. I think that there is one word that can stir up many emotions and memories in us all: Broken. After David had committed adultery with Bathsheba, and knowingly sent her husband into a battle that would kill him, David felt broken. This week I have felt so broken. I have prayed for a gentle and quiet spirit. I have prayed for strength to overcome temptation, and for humility and peace and a deeper understanding of grace. But, I have still felt broken in my sin, past, present, and future.

As I have been praying and seeking God in His Word I have realized that perhaps my brokenness is an answer to my prayers. My brokenness causes me to acknowledge my sin, continually repent before God, and seek a life-change that I cannot produce on my own. Instead of taking my sin into my own hands, I have given it to God. I cannot be in control. I am too tired, and too weak to fight this battle on my own anymore.

Charles Spurgeon says,

“The fifty-first Psalm is the photograph of a contrite spirit. Let us seek after the like brokenness of heart; for however excellent our words may be, if our heart is not conscious of the hell-deservingness of sin, we cannot expect to find forgiveness.”

The words in Psalm 51 bring me to my knees in repentance. They also bring me great joy, for God will not despise our broken hearts. How much more does our Father have to prove his love for us? He took our sin with him to the cross. The eternal and true God, Jesus Christ, in his perfection, took our sin and our filth and made it his own, paying our due penalty on the cross. How much more will our Father do for us then?

Why are you broken? What sins have you committed that bring you to your knees in despair? Nothing is bigger than Him, and he has paid it all so that we can be free. I pray that if you do not know Jesus, that you will surrender your life to Him. Only in Christ will you find forgiveness and freedom from sin and eternal life in Heaven. Where will you go when you die? The decision to seek Christ and honour and obey Him will be the most life-changing and important decision that you make.

If you do know Christ, then embrace the freedom that you have from sin! This is something that I continually struggle with. Through Christ Jesus we have died to sin, and it no longer has any power over us. I pray that you would seek God to change the areas in your life that you see sin. That you would trust in the forgiveness found in Christ, and no longer live in the shame of past sins.

We must turn to Jesus in all that we do. The moment that we take anything into our hands, whether it is our finances, our marriages, our time-management, or our jobs, they will crumble. Please Jesus teach this Truth to me, make this real in my life. I have sinned by omitting you from so many areas of my life, please change me and my heart to seek after you.

“There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” – Romans 8:1-2

Fasting: Week One (TV)

"Some have exalted religious fasting beyond all Scripture and reason; and others have utterly disregarded it." John Wesley


I would say that our culture is a culture that completely disregards the spiritual discipline of fasting. In our Small Groups at the church that I attend we have been challenged to examine our prayer life, and make prayer a priority. Over the past few weeks I have drawn closer to God in prayer, and have really seen the life-altering impact that daily prayer has on my life (especially in the mornings!) I find myself praying throughout the day, enjoying my communion with with God while I eat my breakfast, turn on my computer at work in the morning, speak with a frustrating client, and come home weary and hungry. Prayer has sustained me the last few weeks, and I’m so thankful for my Small Group for the encouragement and accountability that I have been receiving, and for the my gracious and loving Father, who has been patiently guiding me and giving me the strength and desire to seek him daily.

Scripture is clear that prayer is to be a part of our daily walk with Christ:

“rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18) – wow this verse is such an encouragement, even as I type it out!

Back to fasting, I truly believe that fasting is something that God calls us to do prayerfully, and continually in our walk with Christ, as guided by the Holy Spirit. Especially in the culture that we live in, one of instant gratification, selfishness, and abounding idolatry, fasting is a much needed spiritual discipline.

Scripture also makes it clear that fasting is not an option; it’s needed for spiritual growth as a Christian:

“I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven” (Nehemiah 1:4)

“Then I proclaimed a fast there, at the river Ahava, that we might humble ourselves before our God, to seek from him a safe journey for ourselves, our children, and all our goods.” (Ezra 8: 21)

“ the days will come when the bridgegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast.” (Matthew 9:15)

And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matthew 6: 16- 18)

I know that there are idols within my heart, and things that I enjoy in my life that could potentially become idols. I feel that by committing time to prayer, and fasting from these potential idols, God will and challenge me in unbelievable ways.

Monday marked the beginning of a four-week journey that I am taking. There are a few things in my life that have the potential to take-over my life. Four of these potential-idols are: food, money, facebook, and TV. This week I am fasting from TV, and God has already been teaching me and growing me during this time.

Today marks the third-day of being TV-free, and about an hour ago I just finished a book that I started on Monday. Normally it would take me about 2 weeks to finish a book that took me only 3 days. I’m so thankful for the rest that I have found in Jesus, for the time I get to spend in prayer, and for the joy that has been literally consuming me.

I’m sure there will be spiritual attacks, and I am praying that Christ gives me the strength, and teaches me through this process. Please pray for me as well. Today at work I shared my love for Jesus with an individual at work. Tonight I went out and bought him a Bible. I’m nervous to give him the Bible, he didn’t seek all too interested when I spoke with him earlier today. But, I feel the Spirit moving me to do this.

I hope this encourages you to think about the idols or potential idols in your life. I don’t claim to be an “expert” on fasting, since this is truly one of the first times that I have seriously fasted, but Christ has been giving me the strength through this all.

Oh, and stay tuned for next week. I’ll be fasting from facebook. I’m already wishing I could re-consider!

To HIM be the glory. Amen.

A Miracle In My Life!

I thought I would take some time to share a little “miracle” that has happened in my life recently.
These past few months have been a huge time of change for me. I got engaged, set the date for our wedding (May 7, 2011), and started working full-time. This has been such a joy-filled time in my life, but with change comes a lot of fear and uncertainty. My current job has also added a lot of stress since it’s low-paying and demanding. Towards the end of the summer I prayed for a new job, and applied like crazy to every job opening that I found. I have never had a hard time finding a job, but I didn’t get one call back from the jobs that I applied to. I finally decided to stick it out, and try to move my way up in the company.

A month ago I asked for a permanent position. My contract ends at the end of October, and I needed to figure out what my plans were going to be, especially since I’m getting married so soon. I was offered a permanent position, but was never told any details about my salary. This was an extremely frustrating time for me, and I prayed so much that my new position would have a reasonable wage. I began to do some calculations, and decided that I didn’t need to make too much to survive in our first year of marriage. I began praying for a specific hourly wage. I remained patient, waiting for my boss to approach me, and continued in prayer for God’s Will.

I prayed for my specific wage for about 10 days. On Thursday I got called into my boss’s office and was offered a promotion to the Finance Department, and a junior salary. The salary amount worked out to be exactly the hourly wage that I had been praying for. I could not believe it! I went to the bathroom and cried and thanked Jesus.

After a few hours my euphoria wore off and I began to worry. I began thinking, is this going to be enough? We will have to make huge sacrifices in our first year of marriage with Daniel studying full-time. I began to worry about money, and stress about every little thought that creeped into my mind. I spent most of my weekend calculating costs, and became irritable and unkind to my fiancé. Instead of joyfully celebrating God’s provision in our lives, I was ungrateful and worried.

For the past 2 days I have gone back to praying, since worrying wasn’t working out so well for me. I’ve chosen to cling to God’s Word instead of my calculator. When a fear creeps up in my mind I close my eyes and give my worrisome thought to God.

I know it’s unusual to talk about wages on a blog, I feel kind of awkward even sharing this news. But, it’s important, and God displays his grace and his provision in all things. If God loved me enough to die on the cross for me, why would he not provide me with enough money to pay for my school debt, or pay for my rent and car insurance?

I can already see that money can potentially weasel its way into my marriage, and I confess that this weekend I allowed it to consume me. But, nothing is under my control, and God is so clearly in control of every aspect of my life. I want to commit my time to giving Jesus praise, to worshiping him while I’m at work or at home, and my surrendering everything to him.

This week has been a huge learning experience for me. God has been planting so many seeds in my heart and I’m confident that through studying his word and going before him in prayer he will grow in me patience, and trust in Him. I just wanted to share the joy that I have in Christ, and the reason for my joy is the loving and patient Father that we have in heaven. He is so awesome to teach us great lessons and bring us joy through it all.

10 Things I'm Thankful For

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought that I would share 10 things that I am thankful for.

1. My God. I am so thankful for the relationship that I have with my Lord, Jesus Christ. Some days I forget what my purpose is, but God is so good at bringing me back to Him, my purpose and my life. My life is never filled with more joy than when my whole heart, soul, and mind is focused on bringing glory to my Father. I’m so thankful that I no longer have to live feeling alone and purposeless. Thank you for being my one true love Jesus!

2. My Beloved. It has been 1.5 years since I met my beloved, Daniel. Over time we have grown to know each other better than anyone else. I’m honoured that Daniel is going to become my husband in 7 months, and that we can begin our life together as one. I’m thankful that God knew exactly what I needed in a man, and allowed me to marry him and serve him. I feel like there is no one on earth more perfect for me, and I'm honoured to share my Thanksgiving with my # 2, Daniel.

As a side note, today I wasn’t respectful or loving to Daniel. By disrespecting Daniel, I was also disrespecting our Lord. I’m sorry to both my God and Daniel for being selfish and unthankful. I love the forgiveness that I can find in Jesus, and that Daniel is so quick to forgive me when I make mistakes.

3. My Family. I’m so thankful for my family, namely my mother. She has done so much for me over the past 21 years, and I love that I get to learn more about her the older that I get. Yesterday she was teasing me about something and I told her that I was going to remove her from my 10 things I’m thankful for. I hope you know Mom that I was only joking! I don’t tell you enough how thankful I am for you, how much you teach me about life, and how honoured I am to call you my Mama Bear!

4. The Bible. I went through a period in my life as a Christian where I did not read my Bible. During this time my life took a turn for the worse. I truly believe that Christ sustains me through his Word. I’m so thankful for Scripture, and how accessible different Bibles and translations are in Canada. I have learned so much from God’s Word, and have become stronger in my walk with Christ the more that I read and study his Word.

5. Cooking. I never used to like cooking. It has only been over the past year or so that I have began to cook and actually make meals that I am proud of. I’m so thankful for my Mother (again) who has taught me how to cook and introduced me to many recipes. I love creating tasty and beautiful meals, and I pray that I can continue to do so and learn more about the craft of cooking along the way!

6. Theology. Two years ago if somebody had told me that they loved Theology I would have laughed. First of all, I would have laughed because I would have thought that they were a complete nerd. Second of all, I would have laughed because I felt awkward about not knowing what the word “Theology” means. Two years later, I have a Religious Studies Degree (well, I still have one more class to take), and I am in love with theology. I love reading about theology and doctrine, and studying scripture to allow God to convict me about my bad theology and re-confirm my good theology. Today names like Mark Driscoll, Randy Alcorn, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, John Piper, and Don Carson excite me. I’m so thankful that God has given me a new passion that I never even knew existed!

7. My Friends. I will be the first to admit that I do not have a lot of friends. But, the friends that I do have are life-time friends, and I love them so much. I’m so thankful for my best friend Ashley, who lives on the other side of the country, but talks to me almost daily. For friends like Johanna, who prove that cousins can have a real friendship and love each other like sisters. For friends like Morgan who make me laugh so much no matter what kind of day I’m having. For friends like Danielle who share such an intimate connection that nothing will ever break. For beautiful friends like Charelle who encourage me to live a life of godliness. For friends (and a sister) like Allie who bring out the goofiness in me. I’m thankful for all of my friends, nuff said!

8. Writing. I’m thankful that I have this blog, and that God has given me a passion to write. Ever since I was in elementary school I have wanted to be a writer. Lately I feel a tug at my heart to pursue writing more seriously, and I pray that if this is God’s Will that I would only write to bring God Glory. Thank you Jesus for the gift of words, may my words be used to bring others closer to you.

9. Christian Ministries. There are a few Christian ministries that have changed my life and the way that I view the world. To name a few: Campus for Christ Ministries, Compassion Canada, Eternal Perspective Ministries, The Resurgence, and Desiring God. These Ministries may focus on different things, but all have a common purpose: Sharing the Good News of Jesus. I will be writing a blog shortly about my view on Generous giving to ministries close to your heart, and these are just a few ministries that are close to mine. I’m thankful for all that God is doing in our world, and that I get to be a small part of some of these ministries.

10. The Cross. I would not be writing this blog if it was not for the Cross. Were it not for the Cross I would not have this joy in my heart, and I would not be focusing on thankfulness today. Jesus Christ paid the price for my sin, and because of the blood that he shed on the Cross I am free from the bondage of sin and the suffering induced by my sin. Thank you Jesus for forgiving my sin, for paying my debt, and for giving me eternal life. I do not deserve the life that I have, but Jesus has made this life of mine possible. I’m thankful and undeserving of such a beautiful gift. I pray that my lifetime will be spent pursuing Jesus, and sharing my hope with others.

Now it’s your turn. What are you thankful for?

Abortion: A tough blog to read, but probably even tougher to write.

When I was a teenager I went to a Teen Health Clinic. I went because I was too scared and embarrassed to go to my family doctor to get what I will call, a “female check-up”. When I was there I had two terrifying experiences. As I waited for my turn in the clinic, I watched many teen girls come in and out of the clinic. I even got to hear some of their stories. The most vivid memory I have from my visit at the clinic was the time I spent talking with a 15-year-old girl that had already had 2 abortions. This was my first terrifying experience. I’m not sure why she was in the clinic, but it could very possibly have been her third abortion. I felt horrified at she told me about the abortions she had. She seemed so calm about the fact that she has terminated two pregnancies, extinguished the life of two precious children.

Looking back my heart aches for those two children. But, my heart also aches for that girl. I have no doubt that behind that confidant facade, that young girl was breaking inside. There is no possible way that anyone can walk away from an abortion and be unchanged. This brings me to my second terrifying experience while at the clinic. I was told countless times by various nurses I spoke with that day that I too would become pregnant. I was not pregnant at the time, but the women assured me that like many of the young women I had seen that day, I too would become one of them if I did not stop what I was doing. I remember feeling horrified at the thought of being pregnant. At the thought of making the horrible choice to raise my child, give my child away..or abort my child.

When I left the clinic I didn’t change.

Now, I’m 21-years-old, and I’m getting married in 7 months. Lately a maternal instinct that I never had before has been stirring within me. I’m no longer at a point in my life where having a child scares me, where I have to consider giving up my child, or aborting him or her. But, I was at that point, and I did think those thoughts. This is why I feel empathy for all of the young women out there that have to make this tough decision. I acknowledge that this is a tough decision, not because it should be, but because the pressures of this world and of other people make it that way. Abortion is legal in Canada, it is supported by doctors, nurses, teachers, and even our parents. But, it should not be this way.

I feel so strongly about this issue because it is so close to my heart, and the experiences I have had in life. When I was a teenager I was told by health professionals that I would become pregnant. I didn’t listen to their warnings, and I didn’t get pregnant. However, I often think why? My answer: because it was God’s Will. Had I become pregnant, it is likely that I may have had an abortion. If I had an abortion, I’m not so sure I would be the same person I am today, I am not even sure if I would be. I believe that God has a plan for me, and even though I didn’t listen to Him for most of my teenage years, He was there for me. This is why I need to stand up, and say something.

Thank you Jesus for protecting me from disease, death, and pregnancy. Please use my words to heal other women who have had to make these tough decisions. If you are reading this, and you have made the wrong decisions in the past, that doesn’t mean that your whole life has to be defined by wrong decisions. I would love to pray for you. There is healing in Jesus Christ. He nailed our sin to the cross, and paid the price for my sin and yours. I believe that all aborted children are in heaven with our Lord. Wouldn’t it be awful if you didn’t get to see your child because you didn’t respond to the Cross?

Please contact me if you need prayer. I would love to hear your story.

10 Ways to Increase your Joy!

It’s been two months since my last post! Preparing for our wedding has been often draining emotionally and physically. I have been struggling this summer with feeling joy in the Holy Spirit.


This afternoon I watched an amazing sermon that I think will be helpful to many people. The sermon is titled “Jesus Rejoices in the Holy Spirit”. Towards the end of the Sermon, Pastor Mark Driscoll outlines 10 ways we can rejoice in the Holy Spirit. I could relate to every single suggestion, and thought that I would share them to you too.

My Joy in the Holy Spirit increases when...

1. I spent sufficient time in the Scriptures he wrote.

I find that having a plan is crucial when studying Scripture. If your “plan” is to open the Bible every day and read whatever page your Bible opens to...your Bible will never be opened. For some helpful Bible-reading plans click here. If your excuse is that you’re too busy (and trust me, I’ve tried that one before too) here are some statistics:

• The average Canadian spends 2.5 hours a day on the internet

• In one year, you can read the Bible in its entirety by spending just 12.5 minutes a day in God’s Word.

2. I repent of sin he has convicted me of.

This is something I struggle with so much. I need to be repenting of anything in my life that does not glorify God, and I need to continually repent!

3. I serve with the gifts God has given me.

Instead of worrying about others not serving me, I need to shift my focus on serving others.

4. I forgive those who sin against me and pray for my enemies (Ephesians 4).

I have found over the last few months that my attitude towards those that have hurt me has caused me to become bitter and hard-hearted. Simply praying for those that have caused hurt in my life has created a joy that was not possible before.

5. I enjoy what I have and give generously.

Where your treasure is, your heart will also be. When you invest in a ministry financially you will also care about this ministry. Find a ministry that you love and put your treasure there. For a great interview with one of the most generous people on earth, Randy Alcorn, click here.
6. I pay attention to my health.

This one is huge for me right now, I need to eat healthier and introduce daily exercise into my life.

7. I remind myself that Joy is one emotion that God gives.

Our lives will not always be filled with joy, and there will be seasons of sorrow. But, it’s also important to seek out moments of joy, even in these seasons. Similarly, sometimes we make our own sorrow by focusing on the negative or clinging to injustice. If we forgive and seek Christ we will be freed from our own embitterment.

8. I rejoice in the joy of others.

Instead of coveting others experiences or joys, be glad for them. By rejoicing with others we introduce joy into our own lives.

9. I respond physically and the emotion will follow.

I have a confession to make. Nearly every Sunday I wake up not wanting to go to church. I’d rather cozy into my bed and fall back asleep. But, every single Sunday that I go to church, I find joy in communion with other believers and the message that is spoken. Similarily, often it takes me awhile to read my Bible. I get distracted, and my Bible becomes my last priority. But, every single time that I open my Bible I find so much joy in God’s Word.

10. I plan fun and capture sacred moments as they come.

Take a day off and enjoy it with someone that you love, if you find that you’re experiencing a particularly stressful season plan for a day that you can enjoy with your friend or spouse. A few weeks ago I was feeling particularly down. I decided to spend the day with Daniel (my fiancé) and make cake balls. Although the cake balls turned out kind of gross, the experience of spending the day and doing something different brought joy into my life. Although baking cake balls may not seem intriguing to you and your loved ones, something is, and you should plan to enjoy it!

Jesus Is Gonna Be At My Wedding!

“An excellent wife who can find? She is more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and no harm, all the days of her life.” – Proverbs 31:10

For nearly half of my life I have been dreaming about the day I get married, and who my future husband would be. Like most girls I know, I dreamed of my prince charming, the man who would take care of me and be a good father to our children. As I entered adulthood I began to second guess my hopes and dreams. I wondered if I even deserved such a man, with the path I had taken as a teen I figured no God-fearing man would take a second glance at me. Instead of dreaming of the perfect man, I dreamed of any man. I lowered my standards, and yearned for love where God was not. Instead I found heartbreak and sorrow.

Almost fifteen months ago I met a man who is truly my prince charming. He is like no man I have ever met. When we first began dating he was very honest about his willingness to commit to me, and his desire to find a wife. When I would worry that I was not good enough, he would encourage me and love me. My prince charming was not afraid to show emotion where our Saviour is concerned, the only time I have seen tears in his eyes are when he is so overwhelmed with love for our Lord. About a year ago, my beloved realized that there was nothing else in the world that he would rather do but serve the Lord. Immediately, he transferred into Youth Ministry at Redeemer University, and ever since his passion to serve the Lord has continually increased. Daniel, if you are reading this, I love you so much because of your passion for Jesus Christ. Two years ago I would have laughed if someone told me that a man like you would love me, but you prove yourself even more wonderful by your willingness to forgive and love.

Friday, June 25, 2010 was a very exciting day for both Daniel and I. It was Daniel’s 21st birthday, and we had a lot of celebrating to do! Daniel picked me up from work, and we drove in the car listening to Robbie Seay Band (one of our favs) and talking about our day. I was really excited because I had a HUGE surprise for Daniel, I was planning a surprise birthday party for him on Saturday. I was very careful not to spill the beans about Daniel’s surprise, and tried to do as little talking as possible. We drove down dirt roads towards his house, enjoying the beautiful scenery. Daniel was excited to show me a new road that he had discovered, so he turned down the road. I began to notice Daniel was acting unusually “giddy” and even a bit nervous, a side I never really see of him. Soon I realized that we had turned down a dead-end road, apparently he had taken me down the wrong road. As he turned around I saw him fiddling with the radio, he put on our song, Love is Not a Fight by Warren Barfield. At that moment he slowed down and I looked up to see a sign outside, it said....Brianna, will you marry me? I was shocked, and overwhelmed with emotion. I felt like I was dreaming, we got out of the car and he knelt down on one knee. My beloved, the man of my dreams, proposed to me!

It has only been 6 days since Daniel proposed to me, but I have been thrust into a whirlwind of planning and worrying. Almost every night I wake up in the middle of the night, worrying about the wedding plans, and thinking about our future. I feel a mixture of so many emotions, I’m excited to be married to my best friend, but I’m also worried about paying for our wedding, and the never-ending opinions of others. I want a wedding that is elegant and beautiful, something that suits the fairytale that I’m living. I have so many visions for the day of our wedding, and even more for the lifetime that we will have together. But, as the reality of my engagement settles in, I remember the reason I am engaged. The reason I said yes to spending the rest of my life with Daniel. Jesus. I have so many options for the “theme” of my wedding, but the only real focus of my wedding (and my marriage) will be Jesus. I can make plans to have beautiful flowers and an elegant dress, but that means nothing if the Gospel is not central on the day that I marry Daniel. The day of my wedding will be just that, one day. In an instant, all the planning, money and time will vanish. Similarly, the life-time that I spend with Daniel will also be momentary. But, just because our marriage is momentary does not mean that our marriage will have no impact on eternity. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m getting married to my best friend, and I pray that our marriage will leave an eternal legacy. I don’t care about the car we drive, or the house that we live in, I don’t even care what people say about my wedding day. I just want Jesus to be at the centre of it all.

Growing in Godliness

Writing about godliness is way easier than actually being godly. As you already know from my previous posts, I have been struggling with having a pure heart. This has caused me to really evaluate my life. I believe that in order to be godly we must have a practical plan regarding how we’re going to grow towards our goal. After reading this post today some people may think that I’m a legalist, perhaps even calling me judgemental. I will address this false opinion first, so that you can get a clearer picture of what I’m trying to say.


Right now I’m reading a book called Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World, it’s written by various godly pastors. C.J. Mahaney defines legalism in this book, he explains:

"Legalism is seeking to achieve forgiveness from God and acceptance by God through obedience to God. In other words, a legalist is anyone who behaves as if they can earn God’s approval and forgiveness through personal performance."

When we seek to evaluate our lives, where our passions are, what kind of thoughts we are thinking, we risk legalism. I continually have to remind myself: I am already loved and accepted by God, not because of anything I have done, but because of everything that he has done. Once we understand the beauty of grace our hearts should long to be changed to glorify God. This means a visible change in our attitudes, behaviours, thoughts, and actions.

The past few days I have been doing a “Worldliness Inventory”. I thought I would share with you parts of what I have been learning, in hopes to encourage and edify you. Everybody is different, and each person struggles differently, but I believe that everybody struggles with the seduction of earthly pleasures and desires.

I have been praying about ten areas of my life this week, and I encourage you to think of these ten areas as well. They are:

1. Conversation

2. Internet Activity

3. Manner of Dress

4. iPod Playlist

5. Television Habits

6. Hobbies

7. Leisure Time

8. Financial Transactions

9. Thoughts

10. Dreams

At this point you may think I’m crazy. Perhaps there’s something on this list that has resonated in your heart. I’m not trying to be a legalist by thinking about these ten things; I’m only seeking to glorify God in all that I do. I’m not trying to push my own convictions on you, just because I feel strongly about avoiding something in the media does not mean that I would pressure you to feel the same way. I do encourage you to seriously consider the way that you spend your time, and humbly submit your day to God. This is something that I am struggling with and there are things in my life that don’t glorify God that I still long to hold on to.

I thought I would share two things on my list that have convicted me this week. I will try to give some practical suggestions that are merely suggestions.

Manner of Dress:

How is my manner of dress ungodly?
- I own some revealing tank-tops, shorts that are too short, inappropriate dresses that are either too short, low-cut, or too tight. Most of these clothes are summer clothes.

What are some practical ways that I can grow in godliness in my manner of dress?
- Try to layer inappropriate clothes to make them appropriate. For example, today I had a tank top that showed way too much cleavage, but it was long so it covered my midriff. I wore that with a blue zip-up sweater (zipped all the way up), the sweater would normally be too short and shows my midriff, but the white tank covered it.
- Reserve inappropriate tanks or shorts for “lounge clothes” at home, or for sleepwear. Only wear these if you don’t have any males in the house, unless they are your husband of course (This works for me because I only live with my mom and she doesn’t care if she sees my cleavage).
- Every morning before I leave the house ask myself if what I am wearing will encourage godliness in the males I will interact with. Are my clothes going to encourage fellow brothers in Christ to stumble?
- For dress: sit down on a chair and make sure that they do not reveal too much of my leg. Merely standing up can be deceiving since dresses and skirts tend to ride up.
- Finally, I struggle with the idea of donating “inappropriate clothes”. I hate to see clothes thrown away, but I don’t know how I feel about donating a skimpy top to another woman to wear.

Thoughts:

How are my thoughts ungodly?
- Judgmental thoughts: I will judge a person based on their appearance, something that they say or do. This can be someone I know or a stranger.
- Lustful thoughts: I think this is self-explanatory
- Covetous thoughts: I will look at someone and desire what they have, sometimes it’s a married couple, or someone whose education is paid for, or someone who has a loving father, the list can go on.
- Malicious Thoughts: I will feel angry or resentment towards a person and hatred will seize my heart and my thoughts

What are some practical ways that I can grow in godliness in my thoughts?
- Pray every time a sinful thought occurs
- Make sure that I’m in the word daily, multiple times a day, meditating on scripture so that Truth is on my heart. Perhaps even writing scripture on a notepad at work and looking at it ever half an hour.
- This is not a battle that can be fought alone. I need to recognize this and pray for God to change my heart and my thoughts constantly
- Have a friend (or multiple friends) keep me accountable. This can mean they will sporadically ask me, “what are you thinking?” throughout the day, or if that’s not possible they can ask me to confess my sinful thoughts to them so that they can pray over me.

I need your advice

I just finished my last exam an hour ago! I still have one night class to take next semester, but still, this is a really exciting day for me! I’m officially a member of the working world, and I feel really comfortable here. I already have a job, and my contract goes until October 29, 2010, after that I will either stay with the company or move on to something new. However, God has put a desire on my heart since I was very young, and I feel like now is the time to chase my dream.

I want to start writing professionally.

I’ve been praying about this for awhile, and it’s something I have always dreamed of doing. I’ve decided to start by sending my work to different Christian women’s magazines. The beautiful part about being a Christian woman is knowing that God’s plan will always prevail. If God’s plan is to publish my work, it will happen. I feel great comfort in this, I know that God has given me this desire for a reason, and it will come to fruition in some way.

This leads to my question. What should I write about? I’m assuming that most of the people reading this are Christian women. What kinds of articles should I be submitting to be published? I have a lot of different ideas, but I’d like to hear what you think. Here are some of my ideas:

Purity: I could talk about issues facing women in the 21st century, pressures that we are experiencing, and ways to overcome this. This is something that is really important and needs to be talked about. I’m planning on writing some blogs about purity too, since it’s an issue that isn’t spoken of candidly in a lot of Christian circles.

Submission: This is a word that really turns a lot of people off. I’d love to dig deep into the Bible and find out what God means when he talks about submission. Specifically, I want to talk about what it means for a woman to submit to God.

Mothers & Daughters: I was thinking of writing an article about what a daughter really wants their mother to know about them. I could write it like a letter to my own mother. As a teenager there were so many things I wanted my mom to know, but I just didn’t have the words to tell her. This could be a way of making mother’s aware of issues their daughters are going through.

Gossip: I think that gossip is an issue that plagues so many women, especially Christian women. I find myself involved in ungodly discussions all too often. I haven’t developed this idea too much, but I’m sure I could find a lot to write about.

Let me know what you think of my ideas, or if there are any issues that you feel aren’t discussed enough amongst Christian women. Thanks so much for any advice that you can offer me!

The Pure Heart

Do you have a pure heart?

This is something that I am definitely working on, but will never be perfected until I see my Jesus in all His Glory.

But I’m okay with that.

“For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain in Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes from faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by all means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made it his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” Philippians 3:7-13

I’ve been meditating on what it means to have a pure heart for the past week. Slowly God has been revealing verses that speak to my heart, teaching me and breaking me in ways that only he can. The verse above has been really powerful to me this week, in many ways. I thought I would share with you what I have learned from Paul’s words.

1. Nothing Else Matters: To have a pure heart is to count as rubbish all things that exult you, and not Him. I confess that I am full of pride; it’s a disease that has infected my soul and spread to the tips of my hairs and the bottoms of my feet. I pray for humility and ten minutes later I gloat in my heart at my “achievements”. I have been begging Christ for humility, something that I will be begging for the rest of my life. I know that I cannot have a pure heart if it’s infected with pride. I long to lay down my own desires, my own ambitions, and my own joys: the things that overwhelm my time, my energy, and my thoughts. I long to lay them all down for his desire, his ambition, and his joy. Lord, I’m too weak to do even this, to make you my priority and destroy my righteousness; only you can produce this change within me.

2. Righteous by Faith: Something that I struggle with is denying my own righteousness and still finding joy in the God-sanctioned righteousness that I do have, produced by faith alone. I know that this righteousness has nothing to do with my own actions, even the act of having faith is produced by God, and this righteousness is a gift that was made possible at the cross. But, I must acknowledge this righteousness, and the fact that I am pure because of the blood that was shed on the cross for me. This is something that must not be taken lightly, and a pure heart wakes up every day and acknowledges their righteousness, on their knees at the foot of the cross. I am free from sin because of Jesus’ sacrifice. A pure heart does not defile their clean slate because they know that it will always be clean, rather, they seek to obey their Father. In faith they seek to become righteous like Jesus, the one who gives them the ability to truly act as if they are white as snow.

3. We are not perfect: There is a reason Jesus died on the cross, and it is because we are not perfect. Paul admits in Philippians that he is not perfect, but it is something that he strives for everyday. We will fall, we will sin, and we will defile our clean slates. But, after seeking forgiveness from our Father we must press on. Paul says we must forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead. This week I have become overwhelmed, how can I have a pure heart with all my sinful thoughts and unkind words and actions? God has been teaching me that to be broken over my sin is to have a pure heart. To strive for perfection and have faith that it will one day be brought to completion (in His time) is to have a pure heart. To beg at the feet of our Father for a pure heart, even though we feel infested with sin and impurities, is to have a pure heart.

Do you have a pure heart?

My prayer is that by reading this you have realized that you do, through Him who has made us this way.

The embrace of my Father

I have many memories of growing up without a father.

When I was 5-years-old I began to wonder about the absence of my father. One night I crawled into bed with my mom and asked her a question that had been on my mind for awhile. “How old was I when my Daddy left?” I asked my mom. She looked at me and I could see that the response would be painful; she replied, “Well...you weren’t born yet when he left.” I would have never imagined such a response, it seemed unheard of, incomprehensible. I didn’t know what to think of her answer, so I said what I was feeling, “That makes me really sad,” words that broke my mother’s heart. I felt that way about the absence of my father for a very long time.

I still remember when I truly felt the loss of my father; I think I was about 8. We were having a street party, and I was at a neighbour’s house. Music was playing and people were dancing and having a blast. Suddenly I found myself alone, my friends had disappeared, and so I looked around at the families together. I saw a young couple dancing with one another, their little girl in the centre of their embrace. What did that feel like? Would I ever even know? I ran down the street into my mother’s arms, and cried because I knew that I would never get to be that girl.

Memories like these burst forth. All I need is silence, and I can feel my heart breaking. At 7, 8, 9, 10, my heart continues to break from one memory to another. I shudder at the thought of father-daughter events. The heartbreak I experienced when I had no one to make a cake with me at girl guides, my friend’s father stepping in my own father’s place. When can I be normal, I would cry out. Why does this have to happen to little girls? I’ll never know the answer.

Something changed this year.

“Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.” Psalm 68:5

I have a Father. All I need is silence, and I can feel my heart start to soar. At 7, 8, 9, 10, my heart continues to soar from one memory to another.

When I was 11-years-old I sat in a church pew, and my Father reached out his hand and embraced me. He adopted me as his child, giving me a home in his kingdom, promising to never leave my side.

I became a rebellious teenager, seeking favour in people who did not respect my Father. I trampled on the love of my Dad, rejecting him as each day went by. My heart turned cold and I stopped hearing his soft words spoken to my heart.

One morning I woke up and I longed for my Father’s embrace more than anything, with tears streaming down my face I ran to him, begging for forgiveness. He lifted me up in his arms, wiping away my tears and laughing with joy at my return. My Father never left my side. He was there with every wrong turn I made, protecting me from harm, healing me from hurt, and giving me every grace I could imagine.

On August 9, 2009 my Father, and my God truly healed my heart. I was celebrating my best friend’s wedding with my own beloved. We were dancing in the centre of our Father’s embrace.

I finally got what I was hoping for.

My heart is not pure

I’m writing this with tears streaming down my face. I just wrote a blog, and right before I was about to click “post” my computer crashed. That’s when the tears came. I’m going to say the same thing I wrote 10 minutes ago, but I’m going to be more honest this time.


My heart is not pure.

I have been feeling this heaviness in my heart for the past few weeks, and I have been praying for a change. I know that there is something so sinful inside of me that needs to be changed; the judgemental, selfish, dark Pharisee within me. The part that whispers evil things into my ear, and leaves dark stains on my heart.

Just now I was praying and reading my Bible. I was feeling broken, and felt like it was the first time I had truly prayed to God like he actually hears me in a long time. The words “pure heart” were whispered into my ear. I knew right in that moment, I need to be praying for a pure heart. I want a pure heart, Lord, and you are the only One who can purify my unclean, defiled heart.

I’m going to meditate on this for a few days. If I’m given the words, I will write a post about what God has been teaching me.

I also feel it’s necessary in this post to say one other thing, not only for you, but for me. I began this blog not to exult myself, but to exult Him. If I have said anything sinful in these posts (and I’m sure there are plenty of things) these have come from me. But, if there’s anything that has been of value, that has been God-honouring, these aren’t my words.

Thank you Jesus, for any power that you give these futile words; to you be the glory, forever and ever. Amen.

Proverbs 20:9 “who can say, “I have made my heart pure; I am clean of sin”?

Keeping Christ in eXams

For a lot of people it's exam season, and oh what a stressful season it is! This time of year students stop showering, sleeping, eating, and socializing (okay, that's a bit overdramatic but you get my point). This year I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. Unfortunately, most times things like showering and eating take precedence over Jesus, so if we're ditching general hygiene practises I can only imagine where Jesus is on our priority list.

I thought I would compile a list of practical suggestions to help keep the focus on Christ, even in the busy exam season.

1. Pray: This might sound really simple to you, but it's true. A lot of times the simplest way to honour God is the last thing we’re thinking about. Before you start studying, take a few minutes to pray, and ask God for strength during your study session.
2. Read the Bible: After studying all day most of us really don’t want to read anything for the rest of the night. I would seriously challenge you to keep up your daily quiet time with Jesus, and get into the Bible every day even while studying. This might mean doing your bible study first, when you wake up, that way you won’t have any excuses in the evening.
3. Sing a worship song: Instead of last minute cramming for your exam, why not spend the few minutes before you exam worshipping God? Listen to your favourite worship song on your iPod on your way to your exam, or if you’re like me and you don’t have an iPod, blast your favourite worship song before leaving your house and sing it at the top of your lungs.
4. Write your favourite verse on your exam: This may seem really unusual, but it’s a great way to witness to your professors. Before your exam write your favourite verse, and if you can’t think of your favourite verse write a short one sentence prayer. This will definitely put a smile on your face right when you get into your exam, and if you find you’re fading half way through your exam just look at your verse.
5. Have a day of rest: It’s holy and God-honouring to have one day of rest during the week (Exodus 20:8-9). If you feel like this isn’t going to happen for you, pray that it will. If you can’t take a whole day try taking a half-day of rest. Spend this time glorifying God through prayer, song, or journaling, go for a walk with your family, catch up on your favourite show, make yourself a healthy dinner, and just rest!


“And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on...Instead, seek his kingdom and these things will be added to you.” –Luke 12: 22, 31

Freecycle & 1 Chronicles

I have two things I wanted to mention today so I thought I would write one blog post, even those these things are completely unrelated.


Freecycle
So, first of all, can I tell you about my NEW HOBBY? My friend mentioned a website where you can give away stuff for free, and get stuff for free. The website is called The Freecycle Network, and it is amazing! I gave away my first thing today (a guitar). I got like 30 e-mails of people wanting my guitar, and it honestly broke my heart that I didn't have 30 guitars. It's so much fun though, and there are tons of different things that you can get for free! The reason that I'm on the website is because I am hoping to start a collection of things for my future home/apartment. Since I won't have a lot of money when I start out I am hoping to get good deals on furniture, ect. (So if you know of any good places let me know!!)

1 Chronicles
Another thing that is on my mind is the struggle that I have been having with reading certain parts of the Bible. Right now I'm going through a Bible reading plan, where each day I'm in four different parts of the Bible. This month I'm in Psalms, Genesis, 1 Chronicles, and Luke. I love reading Psalms first, it totally just gets me in the mood to read my Bible and lifts up my spirits. I love reading Genesis because I'm just so captivated by the stories told and learning about the history of my father Abraham. I always end with Luke because I love Jesus the most, and hearing Jesus' words just energizes me for the entire day. But, I have a problem, when I get to 1 Chronicles (I read it after Genesis) I start to skim the pages. I know that every part of the Bible is important, and I need to be studying and learning from 1 Chronicles. Today I almost cried when I realized that my reading plan had me in 1 Chronicles for 2 chapters, and I realized I need to be praying about my boredem because I actually skipped the entire 2 chapters today.

So, my question to you guys, what do you do when reading 1 Chronicles to make it fresh and interesting? I know it's really random, but every passage of scripture is there for a reason and its my prayer that God would speak to me in places I would never expect.

The Reason I Will Never Change

Today I was criticized for my faith and decision-making skills. Apparently we are an evolving species, and because of this evolution our interests, goals, and hobbies will constantly evolve in this life-time. Although I do agree that I may take up knitting when I'm a bit older, and ditch my current interest in Forever 21 clothes, the fundamental values that I hold dear to my heart will not change. So, when I make decisions that require a permanent life-long commitment, that's okay, because I won't regret these commitments later on in life.

To pay tribute to my non-changing-ness, I thought I'd write down some things about me that have not changed, and never will.

I love to journal: Ever since I knew how to write, I began to journal my thoughts and prayers. I have found journals from 1996 (I would have been 6). Over the years I have addressed my thoughts to different people: my Father God, "Dear: Journal", my pretend younger brother, my unborn child who I named "Hunter", and my Saviour Jesus, to name a few. But, the fact that I have kept a journal has not changed, nor will it ever change.

I quit before I'm finished: I have no patience! For example, I have tons of journals and none of them are finished because I'm always too excited to start a new one! I'm struggling right now to finish my incredibly thick and really boring looking journal that my mom bought me for Christmas...I keep eyeing the really cool Jesus Journals at the Christian bookstore. I also quit all sports after a few weeks of trying them, if I take up any sort of hobby they usually last a few months at the most, and I get bored of pretty much any activity that you can think of, (unless it's to do with Jesus). If you have any suggestions of an exciting activity I won't get bored of, please let me know, I've been looking for my 'thing' since I was 4!

My clothes are mostly greys, blacks, and navy blue: Ever since I could dress myself I started dressing in darker more neutral colours. When I was a child I had no other option but to dress in the beautiful dresses my mom made me, with those itchy stockings and shoes that killed my feet. Now, I love darker clothes because they're either cozy or elegant. I still love dresses, but prefer a black dress over a pink dress. However, I do accept hand-me-downs in all colours, shapes, and sizes!! :) THAT'S something that will never change!

I'm a loyal friend and family member: One thing I don't quit on is friendships or family relationships. If you're my friend, chances are you have been my friend for a very long time, and you're going to be my friend until you have to change my diaper (or I have to change yours). I don't have a lot of friends though, probably because I just don't have time for silly games or disloyalty, this is something that has never changed about me.

I want to write a novel: When I learned how to read I began to understand the power of a story. Once I began writing at about 10 or 11 I realized that I could also create stories of my own that were powerful. It has always been a personal goal of mine to write a novel, and I have had so many ideas over the years of possible stories. This will never change about me, and I hope you read my novel when it comes out, Lord willing!

I want to be a mother: I have always wanted a large family (before I understood how children were born, I wanted 6 or more kids). I do believe I can change my number to four now, but that is still a large family by today's standards! I have always wanted to be a mother and raise my children to be God-fearing adults. This is where my true passion remains, and will always be.

I have a passion for ministry: Ever since I became a Christian nearly a decade ago, I have had a passion for ministry. I've worked with children at many camps, volunteered at different Christian organizations, and been involved at my church. My heart truly desires to serve people who love Jesus, and introduce those who don't love him to the Grace found only in a relationship with Christ. I will never stop desiring to serve in ministry.

I love Jesus: I may have not acted like I loved Jesus over the years, but I do. For the past decade this fact has been working itself out, and God has been growing me and teaching me. Today, I am so proud to say that I love Jesus and will never stop. He is the reason I breathe today, he is the reason I smile today, he is the reason I write and long to share with others what he has made me. If it weren't for Jesus I would never have had the chance to write another journal, quit another sport, buy another black dress, cultivate another loyal friendship, serve in minstry, and Lord willing write a novel, and become a mother. I love Jesus, and this will never change, because Jesus is the reason that I will stand firm in what I believe and the choices that I make.

My Dilemma: When did I become a Christian?

July 2001: I was an excited 11-year-old. I was attending a new summer camp this year, it was at Bramalea Baptist Church, and I didn't know a single person. I was sitting in a church pew learning about Jesus Christ. The Children's Pastor, Barb, told us that if we would like to accept Jesus into our life that we could wait until after the session and pray with her. There was a group of about four or five students, if I remember correctly, and we each prayed with Barb. It is at this moment that I accepted Jesus Christ into my life.

But, I was deceived.

September 2007: Over six years later, I was at a Campus for Christ meeting. I had been convinced by my roommate to attend this meeting where we would be placed in small groups and learn about Jesus. I was nervous, I didn't know anybody, and I wasn't even sure if I knew Jesus. My roommate and I were split up into different groups, and I sat nervously, wishing I could disappear. My mind was racing..If only they knew who I really am! I'm such a hypocrite sitting here and praying after everything I've done these past few years. My small group began introducing themselves, suddenly it was my turn. I frantically searched for something to say, and stammered, "I don't really think I'm a Christian." I heart was pounding, how could I say such a thing? I had never admitted that to anyone, I could not believe what was happening...

A Few Weeks Later: I was on a bus to Haliburton with my new Christian friends. We were going to Summit, a Christian retreat for University students that is run by Campus for Christ. I felt oddly at home with my new friends, despite my boyfriend's ridicule, I found joy in the presence of these Christian women. The first night of the retreat there was a powerful sermon and I was overwhelmed by the corporate worship. I broke down. I accepted Jesus into my life, again.

December 2008: It was the end of my second year of university. I was 19-years-old, I was broken and depressed. I was disconnected from my Campus for Christ friends, I had fallen in and out of "love" three more times. I didn't accept Jesus into my heart. I didn't know who I was, what I was, or even if I wanted to be. I started to pray. I was hungry for God's Word. I devoured my Bible, falling more in love with God at each verse. I was desperate to know God, but I didn't know how to. I was afraid. How many times had I done this? I was just a joke, I couldn't commit to a single thing, never mind endure the hardships and persecution as a Christian.

Where am I going with this story?

I have been confused. When did I become a Christian? I really didn't know. Until I read this verse, "And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. " John 6: 39-40

This verse brings me so much joy, because it's nothing that I did to receive this beautiful and undeserved gift of salvation. This July I will celebrate my 9th year as a Christian, and although the Bible tells me I had died to my sins, it's been a long journey to realize that. I continued to live like a person enslaved to sin, I listened to the smooth words of men instead of hearing the truth of Jesus. I know that I will never be a perfect person, but the more I acknowledge that Jesus died for my sin, and that my sin has no power over me, the more I can trust in Jesus. Because really, when i am raised up in glory on the last day, it has nothing to do with me.

"I became a Christian when I was 11-years-old, that summer I made a lot of mistakes after I let Jesus into my heart. But I learned from them. I also learned a lot about Jesus. When I let Jesus into my heart I don't think I knew exactly what I was doing. But, now I do know and I'm very happy I made that choice." -May 11, 2002 (My Journal from when I was 12)

Jesus, My Strength

Yesterday morning I had my wisdom teeth out. I'm pretty drugged right now but I have been dying to tell this story, excuse my writing today.

First, a little background on my story. I have always been terrified of singing. It is honestly one of my biggest fears. I know that I'm a terrible singer, there's no denying it. I have struggled since attending church with letting go of my inhibitions. In the last month or so I have really been trusting God in corporate worship. I've been learning to let go of my fears, to trust God with my heart and to give him all I have, even my voice.

Now, on the day of my surgery I was extremely nervous. I hate the dentist, I hate any kind of uncomfortable feeling in my mouth. I read my Bible in the morning, I got into the car with my mom, and we drove to the surgeons office. I was so nervous, I prayed to my Lord, I asked for courage. When they stuck the needle into my hand I continued to pray. Slowly I began to fade...but Jesus was still...

I woke up. I felt like no time had passed. In my mind everything was clear. But, I couldn't speak. So, I began to hum.
"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is, and is to come."
I looked around me and saw two nurses. They were smiling and whispering to each other, "she's humming, she's just starting to wake up." I wanted to shout to them, I'm praising Jesus! But, I couldn't.
I continued to hum..
"I'm trading my sorrow, I'm trading my pain, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord."
Eventually, I was moved to a bed and was laying on my side. I realized that nurses didn't know who I was humming to, or why. So I began thinking, what song will they recognize? And then I began to hum..
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see."
At this point my mom came into the room. She tried to get me to calm down. The nurse told me that if I kept humming I would really hurt my jaw. I listened to them and closed my eyes. I'm pretty sure I hadn't spoken yet. Just hummed. But, as my mom was rubbing my back she said to me, "Who are you humming Amazing Grace to?"

And I replied.

Jesus.

Is He Husband Material?

Update: My beloved proposed to me on June 25, 2010. We are getting married May 7, 2011, and I cannot wait for that day to arrive so that I can begin my life with Daniel. In this blog I state that I do not pretend to be an authority on marriage. I would like to say that one more time! However, if there is one thing I can claim, that would be "dating". I have dated way too much for my good, and it lead me to so much unneccessary pain and suffering. Each time I endured another break-up my heart was shattered and my trust was broken. When I met Daniel I had to completely revoluntize my views on dating and relationships because of the countless ungodly relationships that I had been in.

I encourage you, if you are dating or even engaged, to read this blog post and consider these questions (for the record, most of these questions don't even come from me, so I don't take the credit at all!) I considered these questions while Daniel and I were dating, and I truly believe that he is going to be a wonderful spiritual leader, father, and husband in our family. I don't say this to boast, but to encourage you to have high expectations of the man that you marry. I believe that a marriage is difficult no matter who you marry, but why make it more difficult by marrying a man that doesn't love God and His Word?

(Charles & Susannah Spurgeon)

I am in love with Charles Haddon Spurgeon. But, lately I have been thinking about his wife. She was a huge influence on his life and his ministry, because with a great ministry there is often a great wife in the shadows. This is what Susannah Spurgeon had to say shortly after her beloved Charles confessed his love to her.

"I left my beloved, and hastening to the house and to an upper room, I knelt before God, and praised and thanked him, with happy tears, for His great mercy in giving me the love of so good a man. If I had known, then, how good he was, and how great he would become, I would have been overwhelmed, not so much with the happiness of being his, as with responsibility which such a position would entail.”

Choosing a husband is a big deal. Especially for the Christian woman, who must learn to submit to her husband, and put a lifetime of hopes and dreams into one man. Who is worthy enough for such a task? This is a question I have spent a lot of time on for the past 14 months. It's been nearly a year since I entered into a courtship with my own beloved, Daniel. I would like to share a few questions that I have asked myself over the course of our courtship.

(Mark & Grace Driscoll)

Questions Dating Women Should Ask (Adapted from Mark Driscoll's Sermon on Dating)

1. Since Eve was created, God has designed us to be the helper. Do you want to help this man? Do you know his life goals, dreams, and desires, and will you be willing to be his helper as he pursues them?
2. Is he tough enough to remain tough in tough times? How will he be around sickness, death, financial insecurity, ect.
3. Is he considerate and gentle towards me? Violence is inexcusable.
4. Do you feel safe around him? Do you trust him to protect you?
5. Will he be a good father to your children?
6. Is he a one woman man (Job 31:1)? If your man is afraid to committ because he wants to keep his options open, it's time to move on.
7. How valuable are you to him? Are you a priority in his life? Are you too much of a priority in his life (do you come before God)? This is idolatry and evil.
8. Is he willing to change his life or plans for you? (Is he set on going to Australia for 2 years for his Masters? This could be a problem).
9. Do you want your sons to be like him. Because they will.
10. Do you want your daughters to marry someone like him. Because they will.
11. Is he concerned about having a great time, or creating a great legacy?
*If you answered No to any of these questions, you have a lot of praying to do. I would say that no man is worth your time unless you answer is YES! to every question.

How to Honour a Woman (adapted from Mark Driscoll's sermon called Marriage & Men)
After you have considered these questions I would consider asking yourself how does this man honour you? You may even look at these topics together and discuss them.

1. Honour her maritally: Your boyfriend should not be looking for a roommate, or a girlfriend, he should be looking for a wife. If he is not ready to consider marriage, he is not ready to consider you.
2. Honour her physically: Men are stronger than women. They need to protect them, and care for them. It is not the time for you to be getting to know each other physically, this is not a test-drive. You both need to be careful in protecting yourselves from physical intimacy. Men also need to honour women by never raising a hand, or use their physical stature to be aggressive or intimadating. If you're in an abusive relationship, I weep for you, and I beg you to remove yourself from the situation and find biblical counsel that you trust.
3. Honour her emotionally: Be careful to guard your heart until you know what this man's intentions are. Is he pursuing you? Is he working hard to show that you are loved? This is not a game, but if a man doesn't think you're worth the time for a proper courtship he won't be an adoring and loving husband.
4. Honour her verbally: Does he intimidate you with his words? Does he hurt you when he speaks? Does he know just want to say to make you cry? This man is a coward, and he does not fear God if he's abusing God's daughter.
5. Honour her financially: Men have to work hard to provide for their wife and children. Is he a hard-worker now? Is he good with his money? Does he waste his money on toys and unneccessary items? Is he generous and a frequent tither?
6. Honour her practically: Is he an organized and planned man? Does he have a budget and a schedule? If things are leading towards marriage, is he preparing for that? Does he have a savings account for your future? Is he seeking wise counsel from older married men?
7. Honour her parentally: It is so important that you consider the fact that you are choosing a husband for your future, but you also are choosing a father for your children. Your decision will greatly impact innocent lives. Is this man going to spend time with his children, is he loving towards children? Will he read the Bible with them, love them, pastor them, and discipline them? We have enough fatherless children in this world, we need to be careful that we are choosing a man who wants a desires to be a daddy.
8. Honour her spiritually: When you get married you will become one with this man. This means that you spiritual states will greatly impact each other. Is he taking extra care now to pray with you, study the bible, and engage in discussion about theological topics? Does he regularly attend church, does he take you with him? Is studying the Bible a chore to him, or is it something that brings him great joy. If he ignores you everytime you mention scripture he is not spiritually mature and ready to be a spiritual leader.

I hope you consider all of these things. I don't pretend to be an authority on marriage, not being married myself. However, I have made the mistake of being with verbally abusive, unloving, selfish, and disgraceful men. They do not deserve to be with loving women, do not try to be the saviour and change these men! During your courtship you should be considering every aspect of your suitors lives. The way he speaks, the things he chooses to talk about, where he spends his time, and with whom. Most importantly, is this man in love with God more then anything in the world? The way he speaks about his Father in heaven, the way his mood changes when he considers the Gospel, this will be a great indication of the type of man you're considering.

(My Beloved, Daniel's parents, Kevin & Sue)

My Journal 1 Year Ago..

(Fall 2008)

I've been looking through my journal from when I first became a Christian in December 2008, and it's really showed me how much I have learned. I thought I'd share a few of the posts with you.

Here's a poem I wrote in January 2009, about 3 weeks after I became a Christian. WARNING: I'm not a poet, and I know it. haha.

When I was a little girl I longed for so many things.
To watch my parents embrace; love and adoration in my Dad's eyes.
To see gentleness and softness in my mother; to replace her tears with joy.
To feel my father's stubble against my cheek; to laugh as he tickled me.
To know my brothers hearts, to put my hand on their wounds and erase them completely.
I longed for deep and perfect love.
But, we are only human beings, wounded and imperfect.

I am a woman now.
Now, I am filled with perfect Love, God's Love.
I have felt gentleness, kindness, and sincerity in my father.
Father, when the time is right, I ask you for one thing.
That I can be gentle and kind when I love.
That through me, you can pour out your mercy and grace.
That you can give me a gift, a child so sweet.
That she can see her parents embrace.
That she can press her cheek to her fathers face.
That she can put her hand on her brothers heart, and heal his wounds.
and finally Lord, that her mother can love her, with a sweetness and a gentleness only you can provide.
For this I ask you Lord, that when the time is right, this little girl of ours will know the Love of her earthly and Heavenly Father.

That she can too, have all of my desires.

This I pray in your Holy Name. Amen.

Looking back on the things I wrote, there are things I would change. I don't have to wait until I have my own child to love, and to feel loved. I see gentleness, and sweetness in my own Mother's eyes. I love her and embrace her every chance I get for the things she has done for me. For the first time in my life my Father comforted me at my Grandfather's funeral, about a month ago. I still get teary when I think about it. How wonderful it will be when my own children do not have to cherish memories like that with their Dad, because the memories will be so abundant. Finally, like many brothers and sisters, I'm learning the power of loving words and a gentle soul. I love both my brothers individually and together, they are the vision of strength and endurance. Besides, it's never to late to put your hand on your brothers heart, just to let him know, I understand too.

"I do not permit women to teach"

This Sunday at Harvest Oakville our pastor taught on 1 Timothy 2:8-15. At Harvest we are currently going through 1 Timothy in its entirety. The material presented in these verses are heavy, and unpopular. Most pastors would never choose to teach on such a passage, however, going through 1 Timothy verse by verse has forced Pastor Robbie and our entire church family to confront issues we normally wouldn't.

In my post I'd like to focus on the verses concerning women.
1 Timothy 2:9-14
Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 


Modesty (V.9-10): As women representing Christ we should be cautious of our dress and our behaviour. This doesn't mean not taking care of ourselves, especially if we're married, for our husbands. However, being discerning about what is appropriate to wear is really important for Christian women. 
Self-Control: This is especially referring to self-controlled sexual passions. When we choose to sin, we are choosing suffering, death, and separation from God. This subject is so important, but it also requires a certain amount of graciousness and love. If you are engaged in inappropriate sexual behaviour (and this isn't just limited to intercourse and oral sex) please find help. I've been in this situation, and getting out of it alone is nearly impossible. It's so important to find Christian WOMEN to pray for you, encourage you, and edify you. Not only is it possible for you to end the cycle of sexual sin, it's also the only way to be freed from the specific type of idolatry that you're engaged in.
Godliness: This is specifically referring to the fear of the Lord. If you don't have self-control and modesty than you aren't displaying the character and conduct of godliness. If your heart is concerned with the Kingdom of God, and if your actions display that, than you are a godly woman.


Now, here's for the really tough stuff. The different roles of men and women are discussed in these verses. 


Women are to: Be students of the Word of God, however, they are not permitted to teach or preach with authority in God's Word over men (this means pastors or elders).


Objections: It's highly likely that if you're reading this your flesh is going to be objecting. How can women be unable to teach the Gospel? We're just as competent! This is unfair and unjust! God doesn't approve of inequality!


Please listen to what I have to say. Please prayerfully consider my words, and take your worries to the Father. He loves you, and he doesn't approve of inequality. But, this isn't about inequality, it's about the divine design of manhood and womanhood.


A) Paul's writing don't count: This claim is pretty heretical for a Christian (sorry just being truthful). How can you dismiss part of Paul's teachings and approve others? If you're going to pick and choose then it takes all credibility away from the Gospel.
B) This passage is for one particular cultural situation (1st Cent not 21st Cent): This claim is false, because in 1 Timothy 2:13, Paul roots his demands in creation itself. He is appealing for the command of God for humanity. God's design, from the creation of Adam and Eve, was for men and women to have different but complementary roles. This does not change with culture, rather it transcends culture.
C) This is an unique text in scripture: The Bible itself is an example of overwhelming male leadership. Jesus himself chose 12 male disciples. There are also many different verses in the New Testament that reflect these same ideals.
D) Galatians 3:28 says, "there is neither male nor female.": If you interpret this text as saying there is no difference between men and women then you have misinterpreted the context. If you're unfamiliar with this verse you should read it on your own. The context of this verse is about the fact that salvation has no partiality. It doesn't matter if you're Jew or Gentile, Slave or Free, Male or Female, all have access to the Grace of God. This does not diminish the roles of men and women. This verse was written by Paul, so why would he completely contradict his own ideals from 1 Timothy?


This is a lot to consider. However, it's an important issue to think about. I can't convince you of the biblical roles of manhood and womanhood, only the Father can. Please go to him in humble submission and ask him to reveal his truth to you. I know he'd be more than happy to.